I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i came on her dog
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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