wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I just had sex on a roof
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
