so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
