I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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