Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
