did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
