I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
