he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
