I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Randomize
