I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
