So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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