I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Just fell off a train. Bad.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
