New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
