I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
