she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
tell me about the eggs
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
