Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
