$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
