that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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