Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
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I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
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