this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
