I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
