No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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