tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
