I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
