i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
