Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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