I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
