Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
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