my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.