Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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