Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
