I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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