just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
