Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
