I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
