Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
I'm really busy with my period
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