You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
