just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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