When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
