Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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