@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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