dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
