Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
