we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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