I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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