You can't special order awesome
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Randomize
