im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
