to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
