Define "chronic" masturbator.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
