You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize