Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
