at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
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Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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