The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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