Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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