A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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