Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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