But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
