I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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