How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
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btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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