My hand turned me down
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
