paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
