Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
